A Journal for the Perfectly Torn

Monthly Archives: November 2010

I met you at a girlfriend’s house when I was a freshman in high school. I was practicing for a dance show, and I believe awkwardly kicking my left leg in the air when you walked through Jaime’s front door with Adam. You were tall, slender, good looking, and a junior. You drove a black SUV, listened to The Counting Crow’s on heavy rotation, and smacked your gum about a million times a minute. You said hello to the five of us that day, and that was it.

I loved you for many reasons. You were kind and positive. You liked adventure and had more energy than anyone I know. You were simple, and calm, and unaffected by the world. And you were funny. You loved to laugh. You had two catch phrases: I would ask, “How was your day?” to which you always seemed to answer, “I need a vacation!” Your other phrase of choice was, “It’s not easy!” I believe this was meant to describe the part of your life that took place while not on vacation.

And I will tell you, it was not easy. Over the years, we had more than our share of ups and downs. It wasn’t easy to care about you and even more difficult to hate you. But I had fallen in love with you at fourteen, way before I even understood what love really was. You knew my great qualities and even more of my not so great qualities. Yet, you still chose to be my friend and stand by my side.

You died on a Monday in August.

I was 23. You would have been 26 that November.

After Courtney called to alert me of your passing, I got into my car, turned on the radio, and immediately the song played—your song, “Mr. Jones,” the one that always reminded me of you. You loved that song, and there it was, like a sign, or a blessing, or a warning.  I don’t know why I had that experience that day, but I like to think it was simply because my friend just wanted to say “Hi.”

Well, hi back, Rick. Happy Birthday. I miss you.

-Brooklyn




“… Nothing pisses off a control freak more than life not goin’ her way.”

-Eat, Pray, Love

 

Obstacles

Roadblocks

Big ass brick walls

Sometimes I feel like they’re everywhere. Often they present in the form of another person. Other times in a situation. Many times they’re inside of me and all of the stories and absolute bullshit I’ve made up in my head. Regardless of the cause, there I am—feeling powerless, and angry, and ready to shoot someone or something.

I’m learning how to deal with myself. Sometimes I call a friend. Other times I just need to force myself to think about anything other than what is bothering me. My biggest struggles, however, involve other people.

Why? Because I have control issues. And I’m still learning that big lesson; you know, the “you can’t change other people” lesson. It’s a difficult one. Cuz, if you can’t change someone else, and they seem to be the cause of discomfort or disappointment, what can you do?

I’m not sure exactly. My guess is it may have something to do with accepting people as they are and responding to that reality, and not the story you’ve made up about who you wish they would be.

It takes practice to learn anything worthwhile. I’ll probably fail at this a few more times. But I have an idea. They say brick walls aren’t there to keep you out, but rather to show you how much you want in. They are an opportunity to succeed. And yes, sometimes it feels like the only way to get through a wall is to destroy it—but that usually leaves a big old mess. You can definitely try to climb the wall—but what if it’s just too high to scale, and you don’t have the right equipment?

I say, let’s look for the part of the wall that hasn’t quite set yet. This is the sort of secret passage, and every person or situation has one. It’s that place where most people don’t think to look—the space in a situation that is undetermined, or the part of a person, even the most rigid person, simply longing for acceptance and feeling unsure.

The truth is, this part of the wall will never set completely, because no one knows what will happen in the future, and everyone seeks belonging and security. I’m finding this discovery is often enough to make my brick walls disappear, or at least come down for a while.



Nobody likes a liar. And most people can see right through one. When companies mislead or intentionally deceive the public, the integrity of the organization is compromised immediately.  And dishonesty has a habit of seeping into everything—advertisements, sales, employee relationships … straight into reputation.

There’s a lot of talk about transparency right now. Gas companies, car companies, financial institutions … they’ve all taken a hit, perhaps paying much greater consequences then they would have had they simply told the truth in the first place. So this begs the question, should we all just start being honest? Like really honest? Like now? The reality is, soon transparency won’t even be an option.  Google and sites like Pipl now give us instant access to personal and company information, and news spreads like wildfire through Twitter, Facebook, and other social media sites.

As a social media strategist, I get to study how brands are approaching this new imposed morality.  In my opinion, social media is all about transparency, and when companies take actions in order to conceal something on social media, their efforts will fail.  But when a company is truthful with consumers, when it exposes itself to criticism and willingly allows for organic conversations to develop, amazing things happen. The company usually becomes authentic in the public’s eyes, and it is embraced.

Here are four brands leading the way towards widespread authenticity:

Zappos

In my opinion, the brand that best understands how integrity leads to overall success is Zappos. Not only does the company pay 100% of its employees’ medical and dental benefits, it also pays them to quit. That’s right, I said to quit. During week two of an intense month long training program, employees are offered three thousand dollars to leave, should they feel they are not a fit for the company culture. Passion is infectious and if that passion exists thoroughly within company headquarters, it will inevitably spread to consumers.

And passionate are the Zappos customers. The company’s CEO hosts a Twitter page with over 1,750,000 followers. Zappos also engages fans through Facebook, with over 77,000 likes.

Check out the 2008 spot about the company from Nightline. Honestly, I choked up a bit watching this video, especially when the CEO says, “I think it’s just really important for people to feel engaged. They always need to feel like they’re learning and growing.”  Here is a prime example of insightful leadership paving the way to success.

Kotex-U

Kotex asks the question, “Why are tampon ads so ridiculous?”  Veering far away from the old model of sunshine, rainbows, and smile periods, Kotex boldly decided to cut the crap about the category. It launched a series of commercials and ads that spoke candidly about periods and apologized for its past campaigns, many of which had been full of hyperbole and misinformation.  Kotex encouraged and sparked conversations among young women, acquiring 8% market share in six weeks.

Domino’s Pizza

This year Domino’s Pizza flat out told the public that its pizza sucked—a bold, and yet completely strategic move considering the company was already taking action to make its product better. First came the ads admitting the poor taste of the pizza, highlighting actual consumer quotes: “The sauce tastes like ketchup,” and  “Where’s the love? It doesn’t feel like there’s much love in Domino’s Pizza,“ and my favorite, “ Worst excuse for pizza I’ve ever had.” The ad culminates with Domino’s promise to make a better pizza by completely changing the crust, sauce, and cheese.

Domino’s launched a micro site that includes live tweeter feeds with consumer comments—good or bad—and created videos of the head chef showing up at the doorsteps of the harshest critics.

In order to provide an objective opinion, my office ordered pizza from Domino’s today.  Just like the Twitter feed, Domino’s new recipe met mixed reviews. Personally, I really enjoyed it.  One of my co-workers exclaimed, “That pizza made me feel better about life.” Yet, another co-worker thought the old crust was better.  Either way, our impromptu taste test got us talking about the brand and permanently added the Domino’s menu to our takeout folder.

Conan O’Brien

Celebrities are brands too, and Conan O’Brien is forthright. The much loved talk show host is a huge proponent of social media and makes his presence known on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, You Tube, Flickr, Four Square, and MySpace. In 2010, Time magazine named Conan one of the 100 most influential people in the world as voted on by readers. It seems fans will be “with Coco” for many years to come.

People appreciate honesty, and social media is a fast and easy way to be open. I’m a firm believer that brands are just like people.  Much of what makes a human being real must also exist within a brand in order for that brand to emotionally connect with the public. Like humans, brands are not perfect. Brands, and the companies that own them, make mistakes. But it’s a brand’s admittance of those mistakes, and a willingness to fix problems, that strikes a chord with people and is remembered and ultimately rewarded through acceptance and brand loyalty.

Originally published via DigiDay


Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.

“Pooh,” he whispered.

“Yes, Piglet?”

“Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw. “I just wanted to be sure of you.”

– A.A Milne



How many times have you been in a bad mood? How many times have you used it as an excuse to disengage? When people asked you what was wrong, you told them about your state of mind. You were just being honest. The problem is, nothing helps a bad mood more than spreading it around. They say moods are contagious, and bad moods have a habit of spreading the fastest.

The other night I watched the film Steel Magnolias for what seems like the hundredth time. I have always loved the character Ouiser (pronounced “Weeza”) Boudreux. She’s witty and sarcastic and best of all, unafraid to tell it like it is, or at least how she sees it. In a world filled with political correctness and endless euphemisms, I have great respect for the blunt.

At one point in the movie Ouiser’s friend M’Lynn suggests that she visit a guidance center for help with her pessimistic outlook on life, to which Ouiser retorts, “I’m not crazy M’Lynn. I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 40 years.” To me, this is the funniest line in the film. I can tell she really means it.

But recently, I started thinking about how easy it actually is to slip into an indefinite bad mood. Personally, I’ve gone several days being extremely irritated at someone or some situation. You know what I ultimately got out of all that anger??

A whole bunch of Pissed-Off-Ness

What does PON consist of, you might ask? Mainly wrinkles from scowling, hangovers from drinking, sore throats from gossiping … You get the idea. But worse, I accomplished only one thing by remaining in a bad mood. I stole moments from myself. I lost time with friends and loved ones—hours that could have been spent enjoying life.

We all get a bit saltier with age—a little bit sharper and a little more alive. Even though I love everything that comes out of Ouiser Boudreux’s mouth, I think she makes her best point later in the movie when she tells an old beau, “I’m not as sweet as I used to be.” Honestly, I think a salty and sweet combination is much more interesting than something with no complexity.

So perhaps what we need to do is simply make the choice to disallow what’s “not right” in our lives to forever alter our moods. And if circumstances do affect us, well, maybe we can just let that be OK and not make our emotions wrong or bad. Then, hopefully, we can avoid becoming bitter 40 years out.


People talk so much about not burning bridges. I wonder if they forget to build them.


Despair by Edvard Munch

I’ve learned Despair is a friend. She pushes me along and slaps my face when I waver. I have loved her, wished her dead, and relished her beauty.

Desperation still keeps me awake at night. He talks, on and on, about nothing and everything, and keeps the water boiled.

Despair and Desperation are best friends and would be lost with out each other. Contrary to popular belief, they are not so fond of my old companion, Fear.

Murphy’s Law basically states that what can go wrong will. Given this, why would a person choose to forgo the path of least resistance rather than take the harder path? The harder path requires more effort, and confrontation, and frankly, Fear.

Well, I believe there is something to be said for looking Fear in the face and telling it to fuck off.

Loudly.

For taking the long way around, and doing the unsafe thing, and standing your ground, and not listening to those who tell you to stop.  I bet if you shut Fear up for a second, you’ll start hearing all those people who are telling you to keep going.

And perhaps Despair and Desperation may stick around longer than you originally planned.  They might yell at you, or call you names, or bake you a pie. But maybe, once they’ve moved on, you will experience the kind of overwhelming victory and joy all those least resistance people never do.


 

What does it take to create something from nothing?

Creativity? Tenacity? An idea?

The one thing it definitely takes is ACTION. Because without action, an idea is just an idea. It’s a thing that lives in your head. It does not exist in the world and no one else can experience it but you.

This blog entry was just an idea until I got off my ass and wrote it on the subway. And then typed it out on my computer. And then published it online. The writing, typing, publishing—they are all actions.

So if you have something you want to create, I’d like to suggest that you stop thinking about it.

Move.

Don’t wait.

What you create is sure to affect at least one person in someway. Maybe it will affect many people. Hundreds? You’ll never know until you put it out into the world.

The following is one of my favorite quotes by the wise Martha Graham. I hope you enjoy it and it inspires you.

There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. … No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.

 



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